My inspiration

   I often have felt looked down on. Incapable of being part  of society and the feeling of being judged based on my appearance. Job opportunities were let downs because of mt physical limitations or lack of education. The truth is yes often society puts labels on me. I hope that though my blogs I gain support enough to do my purpose.

 I have inspired many not to give up on their dreams, because I never give up on mine. I have ambition. I don't give up no matter how often I fall. I lean on God, because sometimes he's all I have left to give me strength after I fall. I have inspired friends, family and even strangers who became friends or acquaintances

  I've helped people out of depression. I have helped people believe in  themselves. I've even  given people courage. I have left imprints on people who have told me years later. I have affected people in ways to do better and be better then they are. Once I touch someone, I often realize leave an impression.

 I am a leader of inspiration. I have gone though depression, suicidal attempts, anxiety, feeling helpless, devaluing myself, learning to deal with daily living with limitations, divorce and so much more. I've over come all of these many times over, yet  I AM NOT DEAD.  I've survived every obstacles I fallen into. I know how to get up and rebuild myself. In fact the more I fall the stronger I become. Many people would have ended there lives by now. I keep pushing forward and do better.

What society needs is inspiration to keep going no matter how bad things seem. They need a leader that has been though all obstacles and still survived, The disabled need someone like me to inspire them that they were built with purpose and society needs to be lightened with hope for humanity.

7 reasons why disabilities have their advantages

1 Getting closer parking

Honestly who likes walking a half a mile to walk to entrance of the store? Even if I didn't have a disability that in itself is a no brainer!  People honestly everyday take advantage of disabled parking. Why? Because they don't have to walk far.People with disabilities are privileged with easier access to get up front parking without getting in trouble with the law.

2. Getting in and out of theme park lines quicker

Most of us dread going to a theme park, but we do it anyways because its so much fun! Usually after getting hipped up we spend hundreds of dollars to only see the possibility of 5-8 rides while standing in line that can take as long as an hour. Having a disability gives you the same access that people pay for express passes absolutely free! We get the advantage of seeing more rides then the average person.

3. If jobs don't work out we at least get a pay check until we get find another one.

Sitting in the unemployment office is not an obligation if your disabled. People often dread getting jobs they hate and leave looking for another one. Unemployment gives you one year before the check runs out. Our SSI/SSDI check gives us enough time to go back to school/job training and look for a job without that worry. I don't suggest that SSI/SSDI be a long term solution for anyone if possible, as it doesn't pay enough anyhow!

4. We are not obligated to pay for health care.

People pay hundreds of dollars yearly, fines and copay for insurance. Medicade becomes a free service to those with disabilities. It may not be the best insurance out their, but then again it doesn't cost us a dime.

5. We are provided with different modes of transportation that are cheaper then owning a car

 Many of us who don't own a vehicle, so we are given many options to get around. We have access  to all types of public transportation that is sometimes even free. We don't pay insurance for a vehicle and get discounted on the public city buses that sometimes are the "normal" persons only other alternative to getting places. 

6. School buses have AC.

Yes we can spend an awful long time on a bus going to and home from school as a kid, but often so do the first ones who get on a "regular bus" At least we have the advantage of AC while we wait to get to school/home.

7 Discounts

We don't always have to be a senior to get a discount. Many services have discounts for the disabled you just have to look. If you don't believe me look for yourself

How I dealt with my disability growing up

 As a child I never realized I wasn't capable of certain things. My mother  never made me feel that way either. I had an eagerness to help others, I loved to point out to others the good qualities they had . It made not only them happy, but it also made me happy too. I've always had the ability to see good in people and capabilities even if they didn't have that many to begin with.

  I'd point out what they were capable or potentially capable of. I helped an old friend by relating what she was trying to say when others couldn't understand her Or like my ex bff, to motivate her when she felt she wasn't worth being loved. I'd make others laugh, I'd listen to those who were sad. Parents loved me and saw me as a good friend to their kids. Boyfriends  parents saw me as a good person and at times involved me with their family. I was considered a role model that others adored. It gave me a good self esteem.

I never realized that as long as I felt needed I'd be okay and the minute I was alone to depend on my own  self worth, I'd feel worthless and incapable of loving myself. I became so involved in helping others feel good about themselves that I didn't realize I had my own inner issues  I was able to cover up my own feelings about myself and what I wasn't capable of by helping others with their inner issues. It was a life style I didn't realize I developed to cope with my own inner issues, I was driven to help others who had a disadvantage I didn't. In away it was a type therapy for me.

As a child I didn't realize by doing this, I  was able to cover up things I wasn't going to admit to myself until a few weeks ago. The realization was disturbing and disappointing. I wish I could have dealt with those emotions years ago. I may have been able to adapt to my flaws earlier in life then I do now. My mother herself  didn't realize it either until I pointed it out to her. Yet she even admitted when she looks back she can see it now too.

Medication covered up my ability to adapt to my circumstances, I was given this as a band-aid for more years then it was worth. This is why I disagree to being medicated for depression. You have to deal with your inner issues. You have to learn to deal with your circumstances, because in the end you only have yourself to depend on. Being medicated did not help me. It made it worse. After being placed on Zoloft for depression I became suicidal. It wasn't until I had taken myself off of the medication the the suicidal feelings went away and left me with unbearable depression of my circumstances. Luckily I have  began to understand and recognize whats bothering me and have began learning how to cope or fix the issue.
  Update: After years of learning many different issues that would cause me to respond based on past experiences I've come to realize that I  used to identify with the feelings I was experiencing as myself. Now in 2020 I'm learning to watch for when I'm identifing myself as my feelings and disengage by say I am not the way I feel, I am feeling/or experienceing this feeling pertaining to this situation. Under circumstances of deppresion or anxity this has helped me disengage from my emotional state fairly quickly and a practice I will continue to use until my subconscious realizes I am not those feelings or emotions anymore.

Giving my life a purpose

Being born in the 1980's was no joke. After  thirty four weeks of consumption weighing six pounds,eight ounces. I wasn't considered high risk,even though the doctors saw I was having breathing complications right after birth. I was rushed out of the delivery room to be stabilize and then  put in the nursery without being monitored. I ended up having a stroke and even quite breathing. That's how my life began.
 
   The doctors didn't feel I'd be functioning later in life on an average level of thinking, acting or being. They felt I'd be wheel chair bound and incapable to be a part of society, leaving my parents in despair and my mom fighting for me to be more then then they told her I'd be capable of.

  My whole life I've learned by trial and errors. I've learned to overcome the feeling of definition. I've never allowed definition to conquer me. As an infant I was pushed to limits to learn how to be apart of society. In doing so I was taught determination.
 
  As far as I'm concerned my limitations only make me that more determined not to give up. I don't see myself in the category society would like me to accept and allow me to live by. I've overcame many obstacles in my  life.  I've fought to be who I am. My voice for myself and others like me is my new mission. Acceptance  is my new goal to over come.

  Though my blogging I hope to accomplish  a reality so intense that I bring hope to others like myself. I hope though my thoughts and expression that others realize having a disability doesn't always mean we are any less capable.  My mobility is the only thing that sets me apart from the world that I refer to as "Normal". I refuse to be set into a different category due to that and why should I?